Ctrl + Alt + Cry

Tired, but these legs keep walking

Losing focus, but my brain keeps talking

Needing quiet, but I still keep speaking

Fingers sore, but they just keep typing

Back is aching, but I stay in my seat

Head is heavy, can't call it a defeat

Eyes staring at cells that never ends

Spreadsheets and files that never pretend

I scroll, I click, again and again

Each day feels the same, stuck in this chain

Deadlines come like they always do

Rest gets delayed, what else is new?

It sounds like I’m complaining

I am, no use explaining

But that’s okay, even when I'm to blame

I get back up all the same

I still wake up every day

Still trying, still here, still moving slow

Still doing the work, even when it barely shows

Maybe the win isn’t big or loud

Maybe it's not always fire, not always fight

Sometimes the win is turning off the light

I'm gonna let myself rest without guilt or shame

For now, survival is enough, I don't need to play the game

I'm not shining, I'm not fast. I'm just here

And for now, maybe that’s enough to cheer

------------------

Panyabungan, Mandailing Natal

Note:

No wonder I’ve met so many accountants who hate their job. I used to love teaching, but not the paycheck. Now I love the paycheck... but this? This drains my soul. I miss real human interaction. Now it’s just my teammates (lovely and helpful people, btw!) and a crowd of irritated auditees who act like they’re on my side. I was used to learning something new every day with my students. It felt alive. It felt like me. Something I could control and see my growth.

But this job? Tight deadlines, endless pressure. Gosh, I added -3 to my glasses after just two years in audit. My friends? Gastric issues, chronic back pain. We laugh about it like it’s normal. It’s not. Am I selling my soul? Trading health for a salary? So many questions. I should probably stop here before I start sounding like a full-blown Karen.

Maybe counting my blessings would help. Maybe.

Or maybe I just need to sleep.