I got bitten by a wasp and became philosophical

 

Last night, for the first time in my life, I got bitten by a wasp. On my right palm, right under my pointer finger. And let me tell you, no amount of pain metaphor I can think of will ever do it justice. It wasn’t just a sting; it was a full-body betrayal. My nerves were on fire, my mind spiraled. I actually stood there wondering, “Is this venomous? What if my hand goes numb and I can’t use it again? How do I audit with one hand - left hand?”

So of course, in true small-town audit fieldwork fashion, my team took me to an orang pintar nearby. He cleaned the sting, gave me five different types of mystery pills (which I didn't take because, no thank you, random unlabeled substances). By the time I got back to the hotel, the pain had eased a little. And by morning, it was like it never happened. And maybe because I’m perpetually tired and slightly philosophical these days, I started thinking about how much this whole thing reminds me of my life in the last 3 years.

Shifting careers after seven years in one field that I was passionate about? Painful. Trying to rebuild myself professionally in a space where I had to start from zero and being nobody knowing nobody? Also painful. Doing all of that while raising a kid who thinks Roblox is a lifestyle and not just a game? Exhausting. Being in a long-distance marriage where goodnight kisses are delivered via text? Don’t even start.

I’ve been stung, literally and figuratively. It was a wasp, but it might as well have been a life metaphor in disguise. The moment it bit me, I panicked, not just from pain, but from fear. My whole body tensed. What if this was serious? What if my hand swelled up and I couldn’t use it for some times? While being on audit field!

And just like that, my mind spiraled into every other fear I’ve carried in recent years. Because the truth is, I’ve been scared of change and being out of control. Of having little things go wrong.

Yet. Somehow. I adjusted. The way pain eventually fades. I stopped needing things to make sense. I built resilience. And I learned, slowly, that surrender isn’t giving up. It’s giving in to what is. I realize how exhausting it is to be in control all the time.

Parenting while reinventing yourself isn’t glamorous. It’s messy. You cry in taxis, bikes, planes, office toilet, hotel rooms. You juggle audit deadlines with your kid's school and classes WhatsApp groups. You pray you packed enough vitamins to function like a human being.

So here I am. Hand: not swollen (thank God). Still mommying from afar. Still auditing. Still typing with both hands (how we all took it for granted all this time). A little more cautious around flying things now, sure.. But also, a little kinder to myself.

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Panyabungan, Mandailing Natal