A year-end pondering

By the end of this year, I’ve officially lived in Medan for 3 years and 7 months. I still remember those first months: arriving here alone, leaving my family behind for a chance at a better life. There were nights when I questioned my decision (sometimes dramatically, projecting twenty years from now), but there was never really a “reverse” button. The only option was to keep going, consequences included.

Over time, this city somehow grew on me. Maybe it’s the pollution: noise, air, politics. But also the unpolluted parts: the friendliness, the jokes, the harmless “barbarism,” the loud voices that get misunderstood but are actually just… volume enthusiasts. It was like a buy-1-get-2 promotion nobody asked for. I’m grateful to have lived here long enough to appreciate that. My daughter probably got influenced the most as she’s now a passionate storyteller, and honestly sometimes I feel like she’s one monologue away from starting her own YouTube channel. Oh, wait. She already did. 

A cup of matcha, a sip of gratitude

This morning, I stumbled upon a post on Instagram.

Instead of thinking about the challenges in your life, why not count and celebrate little blessings?

Let’s rewind a bit.

For the last three weeks, I almost had no days off. Maybe two Sundays, but those were spent on house chores and groceries. So yesterday, Saturday, the adrenaline wore off and I could finally “hear” my body and surprise surprise! it was exhausted. I needed a full day of rest. But still, Saturdays are for important things first: I took my daughter for her flu vaccine, then we did some stationery shopping. Oddly, Medan’s traffic was unusually heavy. I was worn off after lunch and decided to go home.

Then came today. Sunday. I planned to go to CFD, but my friend has been sick since Friday, and going alone didn’t feel appealing. My daughter had her coding class, and I still felt as drained as yesterday. I decided not to let the day slip away. I grabbed my bag, put on my helmet, with no plan in mind. On the way, I remembered a matcha place I saw on TikTok, and had noticed a few paper bags from the same shop in my office. Someone clearly loved it. And here I am, at Mtch Bar Medan.

So… about those “little celebrations.”

A different kind of "performance" review

This July, I had the unexpected chance to be the MC for an office event. My very first time MCing anything, ever.

The invitation came out of nowhere. HR called me in the week before the event. Apparently, they needed someone who could be MC in English. And while I’ve worked as an auditor for three years, not once had I used English formally in my role. So when this opportunity landed on my lap, I knew I couldn't let it pass.

But of course, as soon as I said yes, the insecurities kicked in. That inner voice? Oh, it had a lot to say.
"She speaks better English than you."
"He’s way more charismatic on stage."
"You? You’re just lucky."

And yet, thank God, I’ve lived long enough to recognize that voice. Not as truth, but as fear in disguise. I didn’t try to fight it this time. I let the thoughts come, let them echo, then quietly watched them pass. Maybe those people are better. But this opportunity didn’t land in their inbox. It landed in mine. So I’ll take it, own it, and if I mess up, well, then I’ll learn something.

Tak apa-apa even when it's hard

‎Tak perlu tunggu dunia ramah. ‎Cukup beri ruang buat lelah. ‎Tak apa-apa jika merasa tTak baik saja. ‎Kalau bisa jangan lama. ‎Kalau bisa ingat hal lainnya. ‎Hal yang baik walau terasa tak seberapa. (Tak Apa-Apa by Bokinana Family)

I stumbled upon this song when it was just released, and somehow my situation at that time connected deeply with its melody and lyrics. And here I am again, reminded of it. As I sit in CFC at BIM Airport Padang, sipping an orange juice I only ordered so I could stay here for a while, I’m thinking about the last five days.

I went home to attend my friend’s wedding, which was only a 20-minute drive from my house. This time I went with my friends, and I had to leave my daughter behind since it was just a short trip. Those days were filled with slow mornings, cafe hopping, and reunions with friends, old and new. Sitting here waiting for my flight back to Medan, saying it’s difficult to leave feels like an understatement. But life goes on.

My husband is the kind of man who puts others first. Sometimes I get annoyed when his decisions don’t align with mine. Yet when I’m the one he puts first, I can’t help but think, “How could I love him more?”

Maybe that’s what life is about: holding the mix of exhaustion and joy, of wanting more while being grateful for what’s already here. I can sit with my tiredness, acknowledge it, then slowly let it pass as I return to my daily tasks. At the end of the day, there are still little things: an orange juice in a noisy airport corner, five days of togetherness, words I keep close to my heart, that remind me life is worth savoring, even when it feels farrr from easy.

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Bandara Internasional Minangkabau

Between bites and movie credits (Nonnas)

When you think of a place to eat to satisfy your appetite, you probably think of a famous restaurant or café with a lot of positive reviews about the taste. But let me ask you something. Have you ever been to a place where you didn’t expect anything at first, but when you went there, you just felt this strange comfort, like you were exactly where you were meant to be? It sounds deep, but you know what I mean, right? That feeling when you sense the universe quietly arranging things so that, in this exact moment, this is where you belong. You become aware of yourself, your surroundings, and what you eat suddenly isn’t just about what’s on the plate, but everything around it.

Ctrl + Alt + Cry

Tired, but these legs keep walking

Losing focus, but my brain keeps talking

Needing quiet, but I still keep speaking

Fingers sore, but they just keep typing

Back is aching, but I stay in my seat

Head is heavy, can't call it a defeat

Eyes staring at cells that never ends

Spreadsheets and files that never pretend

I scroll, I click, again and again

Each day feels the same, stuck in this chain

Purpose pending

Today was difficult, but I stood strong. Well, sat strong.

I’ve been interviewing at least 20 people every day since Monday. For someone who could go days without seeing another soul and not feel lonely, being surrounded by this many faces daily has drained every last drop of my social battery.

This morning, I woke up completely empty. No energy, no spark, not even enough willpower for a light workout. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling. But I had to get up and get ready. So I did.

I took a cold shower to jolt my mind awake, trying to look at least somewhat presentable, knowing I'd be doing another marathon of conversations today.

On the way to the office, my supervisor casually brought up a few things I hadn’t done, plus how I should conduct my interviews differently. Apparently, I need to steer them a certain way to get better outcomes. He was right and I'm always, always open for feedback (I even asked them often). But man, how timing can make even the most well-meaning feedback taste bitter. 

Feeling sunsetty feeling

This evening, my team and I went to catch the sunset. On the way, I was on a video call with my daughter. It was her first day back at school after a whole month off. Our call was the usual circus: weird faces, random stories, zero logic. But beneath the silliness, I was bracing myself. These long field calls with her usually end with tears and the dreaded question, “When are you coming home?”

I got bitten by a wasp and became philosophical

 

Last night, for the first time in my life, I got bitten by a wasp. On my right palm, right under my pointer finger. And let me tell you, no amount of pain metaphor I can think of will ever do it justice. It wasn’t just a sting; it was a full-body betrayal. My nerves were on fire, my mind spiraled. I actually stood there wondering, “Is this venomous? What if my hand goes numb and I can’t use it again? How do I audit with one hand - left hand?”

So of course, in true small-town audit fieldwork fashion, my team took me to an orang pintar nearby. He cleaned the sting, gave me five different types of mystery pills (which I didn't take because, no thank you, random unlabeled substances). By the time I got back to the hotel, the pain had eased a little. And by morning, it was like it never happened. And maybe because I’m perpetually tired and slightly philosophical these days, I started thinking about how much this whole thing reminds me of my life in the last 3 years.

Going home to what and who matter more

Going home each year is never just about the flights back, road trip, gifts, or family gatherings. It’s a moment to breathe deeper, to let go of the weight I’ve been carrying. 

It’s a major shift in perspective, a reminder of what my heart has always known: that beyond the daily rush of Medan, there are things that matter more that I should take care more and ones that I've been neglecting.

The rhythm of office life is relentless, always convincing me that what I do is significant, or at the very least, it will be, someday. In many ways, I am grateful. I take comfort in knowing I’m supporting my husband as we build a life for our family. Medan, despite its noise and chaos, offers a future for my child that my hometown simply cannot.

But then, I go home twice a year. And home is different. It is slower, softer. It is where life feels less like a battle and more like a gentle flow.