Covid Note

 We live in a time where we are constantly reaching outward. 

We reach out our hands as far out into the world as we can, trying to grip onto external sources that shine like gold and promise good times. Friends to see. Hands to shake. Bodies to hug. Laughter to share. Stories to tell. Our world seems so big when our hands can easily stretch so far, and our feet can go places. But when that ability was put on hold… We struggle.

I, have been struggling, with my world suddenly became so tiny, and suffocating. For the last few consecutive days, my world has been a 3x4 square room with the lights mostly off, making the room feel even smaller.

We've all had our moments of breakdown. Fortunately, none of us fell apart at the exact same time. So there's always one of us waiting to pull the other out. Until I got Covid last week. Husband caught the virus within 3 days of my isolation making this time more difficult. He had to isolate himself in another room, leaving my daughter alone. No one to help for a while. Just two helpless parents and one (alhamdulillah) healthy 5-year old girl, all just waiting until it gets better.

Tentang 'Miswanting'

Barusan saya membaca sebuah tulisan di CNBC(dot)com tentang sebuah kelas populer di Yale yang berjudul The Science of Well-Being. Artinya kira-kira Sains Kebahagiaan. Kelas tersebut diisi oleh seorang profesor psikologi dan sains kognitif bernama Laurie Santos tentang hal-hal yang kita inginkan dalam hidup yang belum tentu membuat kita bahagia, seperti yang kita bayangkan sebelum mendapatkannya.

Miswanting secara sederhana dapat diartikan sebagai sebuah ide di mana manusia seringkali salah memprediksi sebahagia apa mereka setelah memiliki sesuatu di masa depan (how much they’ll enjoy something in the future). Saya belum mengikuti kelasnya, dan berencana nanti setelah waktu agak lapang akan ikut. Dalam tulisan tersebut, yang ditulis oleh Dave Schools, salah satu hal yang sering jadi miswanting oleh manusia adalah, tidak lain dan bukan, uang.

Santor mengatakan: "Money doesn’t increase happiness in the way that we think. Our minds are lying to us about how much of an impact extra cash will have on our happiness.” (Uang tidak menambah kebahagiaan dengan cara yang kita pikirkan. Pikiran kita membohongi diri kita sendiri dengan menganggap bahwa lebih banyak uang adalah jawabannya).

Sunday Senses

Seeing: green paddy fields as far as my eyes could see and three mountains walling this city. It just rained. The air has been freezing. Even the oil in my kitchen turned to white! But what I see now… Man, it’s really something.

Drinking: a cup of saffron tea.

Feeling: everything. Honestly, I’m losing words to explain how I feel. Sometimes it gets overwhelming but I know it’s just my body (hormones) trying to trick my mind.

Missing: a long heartfelt talk with a good friend who lives worlds away. Distance is the funniest thing, don’t you think? Someone could feel like they’re a million miles away while they’re standing right next to you, yet you could feel the warm skin of someone you never even see in person.

Loving: lately I and my daughter are into anatomy. I try my best to teach her practical knowledge and skills in hope to spark her curiosity. She’s not that interested in reading yet, but loves math and how the body and brain works. Sounds so serious, doesn’t it? In reality, it’s just mostly role play.

Living with Hyperthyroidism: My Past, Finding Out, Symptoms, Cause, and Diet

Four years ago.

I married the love of my life. I weighed 70 kg. I got pregnant after two months and by the end of my pregnancy, my weight was 85 kg.

Three years ago.

I got to kiss my first child who had been living in my belly for 9 consecutive months. I lost 15 kg and came back to my original weight. I kept losing weight but I thought it was perfectly normal for a breastfeeding mother, as everyone told me so. I was weighed when my baby was one year-old.

Two years ago.

I lost 15 kgs in 10 days because I ate something I wasn’t allowed to eat with empty stomach. I was in my worst shape, weighing less than 45 kgs. With 158 cm height, I looked so tiny and fragile. I had no idea when I started to grow hyperthyroidism but since two years ago, I have been struggling with weight and health problems.

I used to be active. I jogged almost every morning. I was a hiker and a traveller. I climbed mountains. I went cities and abroad backpacking. There was nothing that could stop me in terms of physical ability. Becoming so weak in only 10 days didn’t make sense to me except only because of my weight loss. Domestic work was exhausting and it took the whole day to finish everything.

I also grew angrier. I was angry at myself for being so tired all the time. I was irritated at small daily problems. I hated people who looked down on me for being so tiny and weak. I couldn’t focus on one thing and I was so easily distracted. So, I lost my two favorite jobs.

when life gives you lemon, throw a party

Lemonade party special recipe:
1 lemon
A jar of sugar
2 lt of water
A gallon of nonsense