We live in a time where we are constantly reaching outward.
We reach out our hands as far out into the world as we can, trying to grip onto external sources that shine like gold and promise good times. Friends to see. Hands to shake. Bodies to hug. Laughter to share. Stories to tell. Our world seems so big when our hands can easily stretch so far, and our feet can go places. But when that ability was put on hold… We struggle.
I, have been struggling, with my world suddenly became so tiny, and suffocating. For the last few consecutive days, my world has been a 3x4 square room with the lights mostly off, making the room feel even smaller.
We've all had our moments of breakdown. Fortunately, none of us fell apart at the exact same time. So there's always one of us waiting to pull the other out. Until I got Covid last week. Husband caught the virus within 3 days of my isolation making this time more difficult. He had to isolate himself in another room, leaving my daughter alone. No one to help for a while. Just two helpless parents and one (alhamdulillah) healthy 5-year old girl, all just waiting until it gets better.
It broke my heart to see her doing the best she could to help herself. Coping with this new strange situation. She read her favorite storybooks to me, sitting on her little pink chair 2 meters away from my door. Every single day.
Human physical contact is the most underrated blessing. We've been taking it for granted. Until right this second, I've never craved this much to touch the skin of another human being. But the hardest thing for me has been not having answers for my daughter. Mothers are supposed to have all the answers, right?
Bunda, when can you go out of your room and play with me?
I don’t know.
Bunda, I miss going out. When can we go?
I don’t know.
Bunda, should I go to school today?
I don’t know. Wait, no.
Bunda, when will this be over?
I'm sorry I just don’t know.
Who are we moms without all the answers?
I don’t know.
But I do know that this will end. We're getting better. Things will go back to normal. I am not old, but I am not young, so somewhere in between I’ve gathered enough lessons to know that there will be an “after this”.
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This piece was written during the time I got Covid19, 8-16 August 2021. Always stay safe, people. And please get vaccinated as soon as you can. My husband has had his two doses of vaccine and he was doing a LOT better than I did, recovered ONLY in 3 days.
